The top 6 games to play during the current economic crisis

During the depression of the 1930s, the entertainment industry boomed. People flocked to movie theaters as an inexpensive form of entertainment, but more importantly, movies offered an escape from reality.

Even with the world economy continuing its downward spiral into oblivion in 2008, the entertainment industry is showing no signs of slowing down. So, before you rush out and pick up Gears of War 2, consider these options to help put you at ease during the tough times ahead.

6. Rock Band

The last piece of financial advice that Jim Cramer, Ben Stein, or even Matthew Lesko will give you is to “drop everything and become a musician.” You can be the next Eddie Van Halen or Bruce Springsteen, but as long as Nickleback and Staind are alive and kickin’, you’re just going to end up frustrated and very, very poor.

Enter: Rock Band. The game’s World Tour Mode allows you to finally earn the money you deserve by playing sold out arenas across the world with your band, “Global Warming.” Just try not to pull an M.C. Hammer with your newfound riches.

5. Final Fantasy, Dragon Quest, Pokémon, and every other RPG ever created

Does life suck at home?

Not a problem in the RPG world! Just gather a friend or two and prepare yourself to embark on the most epic journeys of journeys. And don’t fret if your lack of friends forces you to fly solo at first, since you’re sure run into a few friendly wizards, warriors, or Bulbasaurs on the way.

Oh, and don’t worry about digging into your nonexistent 401(k) to fund your journey, since you’ll surely earn some nice bank after defeating every monster, slime, or disgruntled Pokémon trainer in your path.

4. Grand Theft Auto: Vice City

Sure, you could always make money by beating up prostitutes, working jobs for the mob, and eventually creating your own gang empire, but that’s almost too easy.

Vice City allows you to unleash your inner Donald Trump by allowing you to own real estate throughout the game. Owning property such as a film studio, taxi company, car showroom, and a “dance” club not only brings in a great deal of revenue, but it gives you that warm and fuzzy Tony Montana feeling that only comes when you combine real estate with polyester suits.

3. Monopoly

Want a wealth of properties without the bloodshed? Then Monopoly is your ticket to success, my friend. Monopoly first became popular during the 1930s, so it’s only fitting for the classic game to regain its former glory during our latest economic disaster.

While the newfangled digital versions of the game are tempting, I suggest ditching the polygon version of Uncle Pennybags for the tried and true board game version. Just try your best to avoid those classic Monopoly arguments that seem to always plague me whenever I play with family/friends/the elderly.

2. Super Mario Bros. 3

With the entire stock market in shambles, many people are turning towards safer investment choices, such as gold. While some people are just starting to jump onto the gold bandwagon, it’s now obvious that a certain gold coin-collecting Italian plumber was well ahead of his time.

Mario is certainly no “Joe the Plumber” either, since he possesses the ability to find gold coins in some truly odd places — beneath the ground, under water, and in the clouds are just a few places that come to mind. Combine that with when Mario occasionally rescues a princess, conquers an evil empire, and saves an entire kingdom, and we might have a hero to look up to through the next few years.

Now, if only we were able to get an extra life for every 100 coins we collected.

1. Resident Evil 4

Just when you think that life is at its absolute lowest point, just remember that it could always be worse. So, unless you find yourself in the midst of a zombie apocalypse with Dr. Salvador chasing after you, try to remind yourself that a few closed banks and some worthless stocks don’t necessarily signal the end of the world.

On second thought, the Merchant had a pretty decent gig throughout Resident Evil 4. Life must be pretty sweet when you are always able to “Buy it at a high price!” from your customers.

Editor’s note: Due to budget constraints, the original list of “The top 10 games to play during the current economic crisis” had to be narrowed down to six games. We apologize for the inconvenience.