I’m baaacccckkkk! After a bit of a hiatus, I have finally returned for your weekly Virtual Console game break down article thing… Surprisingly, the past month has been pretty slow for decent titles (Romance of the Three Kingdoms IV: Wall of Fire anyone?), but let’s hope this week’s lineup is just the start of an awesome April. I suck at introductions, so onward with the article!

Dragon’s Curse

Well Dragon’s Curse appears to finally break the curse of crappy TurboGrafx-16 virtual console games. If the title wasn’t any indication, this game has you on a quest to defeat dragons! The catch is that these stingy Dragons have put a curse on you! Amazing!

Awful jokes aside, Dragon’s Curse is one of the best TurboGrafx-16 games currently available. It’s slightly reminiscent of Zelda 2 with side-scrolling action/adventure combined with slight RPG elements. Just replace the awful top-down overworld with a central hub that connects you with five different worlds (to fight dragons, of course), and then toss in some amazing super powers for your character to gain (after you defeat dragons). Aside from your standard “Hu-Man” form, you can transform into a Hawk-Man, Mouse-Man, Piranha-Man, Tiger-Man, and of course, a Lizard-Man that shoots flames…

I know Lizard-Man sounds amazing, and with Nintendo being extremely stubborn with releasing Zelda 2 (seriously, it’s been two months since the European release!), Dragon’s Curse might sound like an enticing addition to your collection. It’s a decent purchase for the most part, but the game will become extremely tedious during certain sections. So why settle for tediousness when so many future releases will blow Piranha-Man straight out of the water.

Final Opinion: Cautionary Yay

Star Fox 64

Ah, the clear breadwinner of this week. The Virtual Console was created for orgasmic nostalgic moments like this. Star Fox 64 is easily my favorite title in the series, but I guess that doesn’t say much considering the lackluster outings of the more recent games. So to sweeten the deal a bit, I can safely say that this will be one of the best Nintendo 64 titles the Virtual Console will ever receive.

I highly recommend using the GameCube controller for this game, as the classic controller seems a tad awkward for a game built around the N64’s pad. And as always, the lack of rumble is a kick in the pants, especially since the original release included the rumble pack. With those gripes aside, this is still an excellent addition to your Virtual Console collection for busy bee gamers. With our crazy lives, it’s hard impossible to find time for marathon gaming sessions (I am so thankful that I was on holiday during my Twilight Princess 3 day marathon), which is why Star Fox 64’s mission setup is perfect for those small, but frequent, gaming sessions. Have only fifteen minutes to spare? No problem, just hop in your Arwing (or Landmaster) and blow the crap out of some enemies in Sector Y.

One quick warning though: those fifteen minutes will quickly turn into an hour. Or three. Trust us.

Final Opinion: Yay

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

The original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles game is like Rocky V in many ways, it’s the most hated entry in an already mediocre series. Don’t get me wrong, I love Ninja Turtle games and Rocky movies, but they aren’t the most well made productions in the world (aside from the original Rocky). I know people are yearning for Turtles II or Turtles in Time, but once you strip away the TMNT excellence from those games, you are left with just another subpar beat ‘em up game from the 90s…

The original TMNT game breaks away from the stale beat ‘em up genre by taking more of a platforming approach, but this by no means makes this game good. Or decent. Or even worth talking about…

Those of you unfortunate enough to buy into the newest round of TMNT hype will come away very disappointed. This game is frustratingly difficult, and the extremely poor game design doesn’t help matters (endlessly respawning enemies, awkward jumping, and totally random collision detection). I’m tempted to purchase this game just for the sake of attempting to finally complete it, but life is too short to pay good money for frustration and disappointment. If I wanted to do that, I would have seen the new TMNT movie last weekend. Oh wait, I did…

Final Opinion: Nay

Hopefully we will finally get Zelda 2 next week. I seriously have been waiting for more than two months…